i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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