turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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