So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
