i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
