I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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