normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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