Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
