Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
