LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
