Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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