oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
