sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
