I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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