just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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