Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
