i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
