Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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