He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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