I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
