I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
