Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
