Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
