Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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