so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
