dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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