New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
