I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
