Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
