If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
