dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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