i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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