Swine flu. Run for my life!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
