The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
