Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
