dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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