I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
