if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
