He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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