You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
