ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
