I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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