I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
