how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
