Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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