It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
