Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think i have herpe
just one?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
