i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
