i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
