Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
