So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
