Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
