he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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