I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
