sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The beer is more important than you right now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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