At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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