3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
