I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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