She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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