We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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