Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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