i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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