i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
