I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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