you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
