i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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