You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
