At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
