You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
