i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
