Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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